The Only One
by danniperson
Summary: Harry can't even kiss anyone else.


**THE ONLY ONE**

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"I can't."

He whispered the words when Dennis's mouth wasn't even an inch away from his. He could feel the other wizard's warm breath against his face and the anticipation of feeling warm, soft lips against his own. His eyes dropped shut in defeat the same time Dennis let out an impatient huff.

"Somehow, I'm not all that surprised," Dennis replied, his voice thick and struggling to remain somewhat polite about the whole matter.

Harry had nothing more to say as he turned back around and dropped his face into his hands. The realization hurt and shame burned through him nastily. He rubbed his hands over his face and sat up again, eyes wandering back around the club they were sitting in. He would have liked to make excuses, about not wanting to do something like that in public. Because of his fame? Well, they were in a Muggle bar. Because it was their first kiss? No…That didn't seem to fit much. They had tried before in places far more intimate and private only to have Harry pull away at the last second.

He just couldn't do it.

He had been dating Dennis for about a month now. Most guys their age in relationships might complain about not getting any sex from their significant others. Dennis had it worse…He couldn't even get his boyfriend to snog him. They hugged, held hands, cuddled, and all of that other stuff, but a kiss? A kiss was apparently too much to ask for.

Dennis, for his part, had tried to get to the bottom of it. Harry refused to say a word. It was embarrassing, apparently. Dennis wondered what it could be. Maybe Harry was just a bad kisser? Or maybe he had never been kissed before, though Dennis somehow doubted that due to knowledge of the last relationship Harry had been in. Did he have bad breath? Dennis had no idea, because nothing really made sense. Was it Dennis's fault? Did he think Dennis was a bad kisser? Was he really not interested in Dennis? Was Dennis not attractive enough? Dennis didn't have a bad enough self esteem to immediately jump to such conclusions, but sometimes he had to wonder…

The truth was horrifying. At least it was to Harry. He tried not to think about it. He tried to get over this fear of his. It was quite literally running his life! Dennis wasn't the only one he had faced this problem with. He tried to move on with a Muggle named David a few months ago, but that had ended rather badly. It was a worse problem then, where Harry could hardly stand letting the man touch him at all. He had managed to get through some of those barriers with Dennis, but kissing was still too much.

"Harry?" Dennis asked tentatively. "Look…I know you don't want to talk about it, but…Well…Whatever it is…I won't judge you. I can…I can even try to help, maybe?"

Harry swallowed thickly and smiled appreciatively, though it was still hard to really look at the attractive young wizard beside him. The truth was mortifying. He felt stupid…So, so very stupid.

Harry had broken up with Severus Snape a year ago, and it had devastated him. He shouldn't have been the one taking it so hard. They fought all of the time and Severus was the one who instigated them, Severus was the one who cheated, he was the one always pushing Harry away. So Harry had ended it and it didn't seem to faze Severus at all. Harry was the one who was miserable…Depressed…

It was a year later and he still couldn't kiss anyone else. Severus had gladly snogged and shagged other men and women when they were still together. But it wasn't the feeling of betrayal. No, he didn't feel like he'd be betraying Severus to kiss someone else. He only feel like he would lose him forever.

Severus had a thing for virgins. He made that very clear from the start, when their relationship had been nothing but physical. They ran into each other at a Muggle gay bar and Severus had to make sure Harry was exactly his type before taking him home. He also made sure that Harry knew that Severus only took virgins and only allowed himself to be with someone if he was the only person they had ever been with. That would make sure of Harry's faithfulness and make clear his intolerance of cheating. Harry didn't fully understand his lover's needs, only knowing that it was something very important to him and something he was dead serious about. And to Harry, the idea of Severus being the only man who ever touched him was thrilling. At least at the time it had been.

Harry loved Severus dearly, but the man was not attractive by any means. How he managed to find so many virgins and so many lovers to stay "loyal" to him was beyond Harry. He somehow managed. He had hardly been a virgin before Harry and Harry had known of at least three people Severus carried on a lasting affair with through their four year relationship. That didn't even include the multiple one night stands.

They were broken up now, but Harry couldn't bear the idea of even touching someone else…Like even the simple gesture of holding hands would be enough to turn Severus off forever. Severus had only ever said things about sex, but it had reached that point to where anything felt dirty to Harry. Even a kiss.

And anything that might ruin Harry's chances of ever being with Severus again…

That was the truth of the matter. Harry still loved Severus and still wanted to be with him. Even after what had happened in their relationship. Even a year later and on his second very attractive boyfriend. He couldn't bring himself to do it.

It was ridiculous. Everyone would tell him that if he told them, so Harry remained silent.

While Harry brooded, Dennis's eye caught something else across the bar. Severus Snape stood in a dark corner, talking up a mildly attractive wizard in his early thirties. Dennis noticed the black gaze flickering over to them now and then and Dennis glanced to Harry. That must be it then, right? Poor Harry was probably still hurt over what the greasy bastard had done to him…It was a bit awkward and a bit painful running into old lovers. Especially when they were as awful as someone like Snape was.

Bravely, Dennis reached out to take Harry's hand and only when he knew Snape would be watching did he grasp Harry's face and turn him towards him, kissing him deeply. Harry let him, though Dennis felt the boy tense up beneath his touch. Dennis felt a bit smug and a bit pleased when he pulled away, though he felt a bit guilty a second later when he noticed the alarm in Harry's eyes.

"I told you not to do that," Harry whispered. His eyes followed Dennis's when Dennis glanced over at Severus. Harry couldn't bear to look at the man much longer than the second it took to recognize him and Harry quickly turned away. He forgot how to breathe…didn't think he could even suck in any air while his heart shattered inside of him all over again.

"I thought it might help," Dennis replied quietly.

Severus was here to pick up a good lay for the night. That wasn't surprising. He would always be here picking up someone for the night and Harry would never be enough. Harry should hate him, but he couldn't. After all of this time and all that he had done, Severus didn't deserve his love.

But he still had it.

"I need to go home," Harry said quietly. He couldn't bear to be here anymore. Even thinking about the man still hurt, but being near him and seeing him? It was too much. Without waiting to hear Dennis sputter about apologies or waiting for the other man to follow him, Harry walked out of the club and calmly Apparated to his home where he fell into bed alone with a bottle of his strongest alcohol and the last phial of Dreamless Sleep that Severus had given him.

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**Author's Note: **This didn't turn out as well as I had hoped, but oh well. My stuff rarely does lol.

Anyway, this is something I wrote for my English final. My teacher just let us write whatever we wanted (she's pretty awesome lol) and I asked if I could have it back and she gave it to me and here I am with it lol.

To my loyal readers of my other stories, I do apologize for the delay. I still have a lot going on…Way more than I thought I would have. I will be working on all of my stories when I can, but it probably won't be that often. I will do all that I can to get everything going, though.

I do hope that people enjoyed this, even if I didn't lol. Please review!


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